Speak from the Self: Modeling Effective Requests with I-Messages

 When making a request, how you express yourself matters. This conceptual model highlights the difference between fact-based I-messages and opinion-based You-messages, showing how the former helps maintain healthy relationships. By focusing on one's own emotions and observations, I-messages reduce defensiveness and invite constructive dialogue.

Modeling Based on 西剛志『結局、​どう​したら​伝わるのか？』

Entity Name	Description
Fact	Objective information or observation that forms the basis of a message.
I-Message	A subtype of Fact that expresses the speaker’s own feelings or experiences using “I” as the subject.
Emotion	A subtype of I-Message that conveys the speaker’s internal emotional state.
Fact-Based You-Message	A subtype of Fact that addresses the listener using “you,” based on observable facts.
Opinion	A subjective judgment or belief that may not be grounded in observable reality.
Opinion-Based You-Message	A subtype of Opinion that addresses the listener using “you,” often perceived as accusatory.
Relationship Outcome	The effect of the message type on interpersonal dynamics.
Maintains Good Relationship	A subtype of Relationship Outcome resulting from fact-based and emotionally honest communication.
Feels Attacked	A subtype of Relationship Outcome triggered by opinion-based messaging that may provoke defensiveness.

By choosing I-messages rooted in fact and emotion, we foster trust and reduce friction. Requests become invitations—not confrontations.